Seriously,i really feel like cursing someone right now.But,I don think i have the right to do anything as it is my own fault.Actually,it's both people's fault.Guess what?I got back my geography paper,and found out that i only get 17/25 for my geog.How nice.
Besides blaming myself for being so careless,i find that it was also someone's fault.SOMEONE.If she did teach us our geography instead of crapping about what she did in other countries,i think we could have gotten a better mark,really.I am not trying to blame anyone about anything,but only if she would understand.When i got back my paper,a gush of feelings just came flowing out,both anger and guilt.I feel angry because she didn't teach us what is supposed to be tested.She only taught us the bearings A DAY BEFORE THE EXAM!!!Okay,maybe I am being to emmotional.I think I should also blame myself,for being so careless and ignorant in everything....
This week wasn't a very great week for me cause I have been feeling very uncomfortable.I told my parents about it and they advised me to rest.I did but i still came to school.I really don't know what's happening to me right now,i am feeling very tired right now.Is it because I am being too paranoid or am i really having a flu?I seriously don't know.I hope I am not sick...I am scared that Dad will bring me to go for checkup.I don't want checkups,i don't want the tube going into my throat and everything.It seem like i am really ill,maybe I had bronchitis or something.I don't feel good.I felt thinner and thinner everyday,I can see my ribcage alrdy.I don't know,everytime i eat food,I feel like puking...Maybe I ate too much?Actually i also donnoe...haha.I was aneresic before,i am just scared it would come back to me again.I don't want to live in the shadows of my past...I don't want it to come back to me...
Okay,let's talk abt something else.Have you ever felt this before?You feel rejected and living in the world of your own?there are one friends from my class that have this problem.(I don't mean to point out any individuals).I have a frined that sank into a very deep depression,she created a blog to show her true self.Though i see her as a cheerful girl from the outside.I know that she wasn't happy about herslf,though she was trying to be cheerful,depression seem to take over her,being in charge of her mind.
I saw her writing depressed phrases in her notebook.Initially,i thought it was just merely for fun,until i heard and saw her playing with penknife and saying that she want to cut herslef.I really hope that she doesn't do anything stupid,coz when i was on MSN yesterday,she told me she haven't been eating for 35 hrs!I was shocked but couldn't do anything but tell her to eat,she didn't listen to me,but i prayed hard that lord will give her the strength to be the person she was once been:the cheerful girl that i have seen.I felt so bad when i couldn't persuade her to eat,but i think God will help.
I find her a reflection of my past,when i was very ill.But now,i am happy that i got out of the shadow an i also hope that she will also get out of it.
I think the main problems are the common tests and the peer pressure.It cuase people to be less confident of themselves and think negative thoughts.Such as,a joke might be a very critising remark to them.So,if you know know of friends like this you have to be extra careful abt wad u say or you might hurt her.But i feel that doubting urslef affects ur self-esteem as well as causing you to feel confused abt urself.So,we should think positively...
Sunday, August 20, 2006